The beginning

This is my blog about my journey with [tag]electroconvulsive therapy[/tag].

My name is Ashley.

After having suffered from terrible depression for a long time, nothing has worked. The meds, therapy, nothing. So I’ve decided to try electroconvulsive therapy.

I’ve read a lot of websites, lots of personal stories.

I know that [tag]memory loss[/tag] is a real possibility, which is why I’ve set up this blog. A friend of mine is a techie and set it up for me, got me the domain name, and made it all very easy. Thanks to Greg for the help!

I start treatments a week from tomorrow, and will have them three times a week. Is it a bad omen that I start the day before Halloween? Trick or treat.

I’m putting my faith in my psychiatrist, who has assured me they’re safe and they’ll work. I trust him. I hope that’s not foolish, because I’ve put my trust in men before and they’ve fucked me over.

Oh, by the way, I use graphic language, so if the f word bothers you, you might want to leave now. I use it a lot.

Here’s to electricity and hoping it brings the relief I seek. I’m optimistic and almost relieved now that I’ve made my decision. I think I’ve done a thorough job in researching all the pros and cons.


  1. 5150kat says

    Hi Ashley, I didn’t read your entire blog, but I have been receiving maintenance ECT for over two years now. It started with three a week, as you said, now I go once every four weeks. It has helped alot, as I couldn’t tolerate the horrible side effects of the medications, or they just didn’t work. I have alot of short-term memory loss, but it is worth it. To me ECT is a monthly “booster shot” to prevent my relapse into the deep dark abyss of bipolar depression. I would be glad to tell more of my story. I would like to get a blog, but I don’t have anybody to help me do it as you do. You can email me if you are interested or have any questions…K

  2. John says

    I have enough about my journey through hell I could probably write a book about it . In 1964 I left and shock and medicate hell hole probably resembling a prisoner leaving a war camp than a patient leaving a hospital . 17 years old and off to the same city and same small town that I left a year ago . Minus my memory and my IQ lowered . Drugged with a thorazine like drug . This continued every summer until i was 21 . I told myself things would get better . You know the kid you hear about that has a bright future . That was not me . My future was dim . Good thing I didnt know that . Here I am at 63 . I have had doctors tell me that for all I went through I am doing pretty well . I tell myself I could have lost limbs in nam . Or lost my mind in nam . I didnt . I did survive over 100 est’s as they were called . I was given an incorrect diagnosis that facilitated all the torture . These doctors take an oath to do no harm . How can the man who did this who is still alive sleep at night ? He destroyed lives , families and minds . For what , money ? any way I wish you well

  3. Deanna says

    Hi Ashley
    I REALLY feel for your INTENSE suffering you have and continue to go through. I’ve been on disability for 30 years for depression. I am
    SERIOUSLY planning suicide by using helium . If you would like to know
    some details on how to do it as painlessly as possible . I ve done
    considerable research so you can do it right . I went to a depression support group and somebody there with depression said “depression is a MONSTER” . Its HELL living with a MONSTER!!!! Reply if you would like.
    Heart felt concern Deanna

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