I apologize for not keeping up with my blog. My intentions were sincere, but my life exploded.

I had the electroconvulsive therapy and did intend to chronicle my daily experiences. But I was just too out of it to be able to come to any coherent thought.

It FUCKED ME UP and I am so god damn sorry I had it. This is truly the worst thing that happened to me.

My techie friend who was going to post my thoughts can confirm everything I say. He was with me every step of the way and now blames himself at “allowing” me to have the electroconvulsive therapy. It’s NOT his fault. It was my choice, but I now believe I was given a line of shit.

Before the ect “therapy”, I was horribly depressed. Depressed beyond words. But with the support of a boss who had compassion and worked around my bullshit, I was still able to hold down my job.

Now I’m on Social Security Disability. Thanks, shock cockfuckers. (And if you don’t like my language, then fuck you and go away. I’m god damned mad for it ruining my fucking life.) In fact, it fucked me up so badly that I was able to get SSD FIRST ROUND. They got the paperwork and said “Wow, Ashley’s a motherfucking mess. Passed.”

My friend is willing to answer questions if you like, but I’m not. It’s taking everything I have to write this and he’s having to clean up the degeneration into horrible spelling and grammar. I’ve lost about every skill I had except my fine ability to cuss up a storm.

And p.s., I’m STILL DEPRESSED only times fifty because now my brain is total shit.

My life is totally fried, it’s a mish mash mess.

I may write more, or I may not. I’m thinking of giving this domain and website to someone who can make better use of it. I’m too messed up in the head to do what I’d planned.

I read up (or thought I did) on electroconvulsive therapy before having it, but I fell for the shit. And it’s SHIT. But I wanted to believe because I wanted this depression hell to end.

It didn’t and if I thought it was hell before, I didn’t know what hell was.

I read negative stuff about it, but I guess I didn’t listen. I wish I had.

You can read these websites which have a lot of information good and bad. Don’t discount the bad, although I know people will. We’re all looking for that fix, and I’m afraid to say it doesn’t exist.

ECT.ORG website with a lot of electroconvulsive therapy information

Zaprap.org discussion boards on same I haven’t posted but I’ve read a lot and it’s worth reading, but you have to register for membership for most of the site They mostly seem like nice people
My life is so fucked now.